Before I comment on the upcoming Knight Rider remake, behold the fantabulous opening credits to the original 1982 series.

After the jump, we shall go deep into Knight Rider’s surreal genius, starting with the even more fantabulous opening credits to the 1983 season, then discuss the merciless destruction of the fondest memories of every every car loving American male between 30 and 40 years of age…

Or how about the German opening? Veeerrrry gut!

Next, note the f******* awesome pseudo-retro-gothic, chivalric font likening Michael Knight’s iconic hero/KITT to those of medieval lore:

Click for Knight Rider Wiki!

Or how about this crazy cool shot from the fortress of less-is-more awesomeness:

And Knight Rider was nothing without our cheesiferous hero and KITT’s ridiculous dash arrayed before him:

But let’s get to business. Of course Knight Rider made no sense! Of course the 3rd Generation Pontiac Firebird was a terrible car, utterly unsuited and undeserving of extensive modifications - however unrealistic! But who cared? I wanted one. In fact, it might have been the first American car I seriously wanted and thought I might be able to afford when I got my license in 1987. I’ll even confess somthing truly terrible. I was certain - at least during my 13th summer on this blessed earth - to install a red KITT-style light in the front of the car. Yes. I know. Don’t ask.

Let’s not forget KITT’s nemesis…KARR:

Click image for KARR Wiki!

Then, just when every 10-14 year old in the country thought he had a handle on what KITT was capable of, "Super Pursuit" mode was added toward the series’ end:

Knight Rider was cancelled in 1986, but the insanity didn’t end there, for its legacy inspired some splendiferously mexcellent crap that demanded watching:

Yes. That was Team Knight Rider. And then there was this:

Madness? How about this:

Want the live version? Here it is:

What about the trailer for the stillborn Knight Rider 2000? Oh yeees! Enjoy:

Of course, some fans couldn’t get enough, and KITT replica builders were born.

Then, suddenyl, the ridiculous dream - the fantasy that there might ever have been a KITT, somewhere, perhaps in some other, parallel universe where 3rd Gen Trans Ams might be really really good, then turned into something amazing - died.

I didn’t really ever have any particular affinity to Trans Ams. It was KITT - fey voice and all - to which I was loyal. But KITT was a Pontiac Trans Am. AI purists might argue that KITT only resided within the body/shell of a Trans Am, but this is/was a philosophical issue irrelevant both to fans yet to reach puberty when the show first aired, and to those 99% of US viewers unschooled in the vagaries of AI research.

Which is why this is so offensive:

As is this.
And this:

Correct. The new KITT is a Mustang. The specific model doesn’t matter.

Not a Trans Am. Not even some cool, wierd, one-off US-made concept. A Mustang. The specific model is irrelevant. A good car. Sometimes great. But not the timeless shape defined by that blacked-out Trans Am I remember wanting. Even if it sucked in real life. Let’s check out the original KITT one mo’ time:

I shouldn’t have been surprised. I just watched an episode I recalled as one of my favorites - the one where KITT first meets KARR:

…and it sucked, didn’t it? The new show can’t really be any worse. On the other hand…maybe it can. But they’ll never get the camp factor as high. Never. And that’s why I still love the original. No, really.

(Thanks to Jalopnik and Autoblog for countless links. Countless.)